Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
