I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you. Go after that dick
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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