You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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