new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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