did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
