ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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