The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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