Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
