But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize