I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
