So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry about my life...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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