Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
