I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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