I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize