I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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