office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
