bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize