If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's blow job season.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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