I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize