I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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