i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
