Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
