I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
