the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
