Do you still have your period?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
