you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
