If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
