I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
