She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
