Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize