theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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