What a fucking waste of an outfit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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