I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
