so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize