End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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