i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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