He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
