I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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