$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
