Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize