My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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