so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
