it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
