Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
