Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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