remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
