you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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