One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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