soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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