Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
