I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
