UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
