So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
