did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
