It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
