Barsexuality is the new black.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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