Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
