wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
