I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
