I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
