I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
