You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
