I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
