how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
