I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
