Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
