Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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