i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
