the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
